the-mad-prince-of-denmark:

(via complexcorvid)

dotterelly:

dotterelly:

I wanted to try making a quesadilla so I googled to check for advice on how to make sure it worked out well. Turns out someone on reddit asked the same question, and now I’m going to make and eat a baby.

No. No, I don’t think this one needs tags.

(via tooquirkytolose)

youremysunshine8:

4am perfec t size for put decisions in to make! 4am very Clear thinking and Comfort no need sleep soundly make decisions at 4am. Put Decision In 4am. no problems ever at 4 am because good Shape and Support for tired brain weak of struggle make sad. Afouram awake yes a place for a thought put action in 4am can trust middle of night for giveing good love to brain. friend 4am

(via meangirlnurse)

strongermonster:

strongermonster:

little kids make me laugh. i was at a party yesterday and a kid was there and she noticed that i have a long straight cut along the length of my thumb and asked about it, so i told her it was a cat scratch, almost healed, didn’t hurt. and then she was sorta staring and touching it for a bit and went “you had bone surgery. because there were termites in your bones.”

so i played along and went “oh man, i hope they got em all!” and she went “no. they put in more.” lmao

(via meangirlnurse)

valtsv:

valtsv:

snapping my homies out of being corrupted by the curse by firmly gripping their shoulders and telling them to “get real”

that didn’t work. okay. time for plan b *gets down on my knees and starts tying my hair back*

(via lyricposting)

amnesiaguy:

amnesiaguy:

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

happy one year of this post. and from the bottom of my heart. i did not know what i wrought

(via lyricposting)

inbabylontheywept:

inbabylontheywept:

my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.

my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word “parked” and instead spelled it as “garked”. and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.

but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.

then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?

@thicketscratches you get it

(via shmreduplication)

girldraki:

(via nekosedey)

medbasement:

whatcoloristhatcat:

biteybeast:

catasters:

and why he oulka dots

black ticked tabby

ALT

(via shmreduplication)

xxxdragonfucker69xxx:

ratfingerspress:

Inktober day 13 “drink”

(via histskins)

antigonickpdf:

antigonickpdf:

antigonickpdf:

antigonickpdf:

antigonickpdf:

overheard in the coffee shop from a middle aged gay man to his (female) friend: “are you embarrassed? about being foolish? please manage yourself better in this situation. this man is not behaving as if he is interested in you.”

“he’s evil. like jeff bezos. Do you understand.” and she’s just nodding with eyes downcast in shame

meanwhile some influencer is filming a mukbang three feet away. he’s wearing a domo hat exactly like this one but it’s neon blue and he’s slurping loudly over the idiot sandwich lecture happening nearby

i forgot to add this until now but after the gay guy was done scolding his friend and they left, their table was taken up by an aging european twink telling a wealthy-looking bubbe with increasing distress about how much cold cut meat he’d eaten the night before and the funnier she found it the more distraught he got about his nighttime deli frenzy

he was like [completely unidentifiable european accent] after you went to bed. i ate ze ham. and ze mortadella also… and. also the prosciutto. no stop giggling at me zis is not funny it was 500 grams each. i ate 500 grams of ze ham and 500 grams of ze mortadella and 500 grams of ze prosciutto and that is ONE POINT FIVE KILOGRAMS OF MEAT !! I ate so many meats!!! Stop giggling at me i am going to be fat!!!! I even ate ze cheeses!!!

(via meangirlnurse)

plant-based-person:

greeniery:

greeniery:

I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

chuckles darkly

(via lesbianholster)

nillial:

today the icebreaker question at work was “what are you dressing up as for halloween” and everyone’s answers were “i don’t think I’m dressing up this year” “i don’t really dress up but my kid wants to be spiderman” “um i don’t know maybe a zombie or something” and then it got to me and i had to be like “im being cloth mother and my roommate is being wire mother from the 1950s sociological experiment”

(via haunteddollsgeorg)

specialagentartemis:

At some point I really need to start actually writing about my data instead of just playing with the numbers and making increasingly yonic graphs

(via shmreduplication)

gaytanic-panic:

inkyxward:

gaytanic-panic:

if its fajitas or The West I’m choosing fajitas

The one-two punch of someone with the fucking name “raw egg nationalist” with an edited offbrand gigachad avatar and then getting dunked on by the literal fucking “Yo mama” guy

(via complexcorvid)